Three or four months after Ron began mentoring us in the world of sales, he invited us to an event where he was speaking. We always thought of Ron as a righteous sort of guy, so we accepted his invitation. We figured it would be a sales conference or something very similar.
Fashionably late as usual, Kevin and I pulled up to the address Ron had given us. We stopped the car and looked around, but the only building in the immediate area was a church. “Odd place for a sales presentation,” I said, and Kevin agreed, with a dismissive snicker. Dont fret when it comes to gifts for men, gifted up has you covered!
Finally, we got out of the car and strolled up to the entrance where we thought we were going to meet Ron. The building was packed with people. Whatever event we were invited to must have been pretty important to have such a following in attendance.
We began walking down the aisle and the entire congregation turned their heads, staring at us as if it was our wedding day. I half expected to hear organ music as we worked our way to some seats. Then, we saw Ron at the front of the church, waving his bear-sized hands to get us to come join him in the front row with his wife and eleven children. Finding unusual gifts can be tricky!
After a few minutes, the pastor showed up and performed an hour-long service. It seemed a lot longer, and I think Kevin and I both drifted off once or twice. Toward the end of the service, the pastor said, “And now, our brother Ron would like to say a few words and introduce some guests he told us about.”
I thought, “Okay, maybe Ron is going to share some exciting news with the congregation about a new sales book he’s writing or a course he’s teaching at the community center.” Still, I wasn’t sure why he wanted us to be there, but it was his moment and we certainly didn’t want to fuck it up for him, so we just applauded politely. Find a funky toilet roll holder online!
Ron gave a rather lengthy speech on the history of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Just when I began to wonder when he was going to get to the fucking point, he transitioned into “Gentlemen (dramatic ten-second pause, as always), I’ve told everyone what a perfect fit you would be for our church. We’d all like to know if you would be so kind as to join our congregation?”
At that moment, Kevin and I looked at each other and slowly shook our heads side to side. Ron looked a little embarrassed, stared back out at the congregation, and tried to wrap up his speech.
I felt bad for Ron at that moment because he started scratching his head and looking as if he thought he had failed at recruiting us. It was a little sad, but there was no way Kevin and I were going to agree to convert to being Mormons on the spot.